Sweatpants Are Not a Sign of Defeat!
I’m delighted by this new body of mine. Just before transferring my memories into this new, glorious vessel, the last thing I recall is my left knee finally giving out for the second time in my long life. I was a feeble old man when I made the transfer after all, and like many Americans, I had neglected my health so badly I had to take a cocktail of pills every day for the last twenty years of my life, just to have what could only be described as a somewhat tolerable existence.
Now, in this almost perfect shell, I feel better, and stronger than I ever did even in my youth. I say almost perfect, because the only down side to my new frame is how short it is. I was a tall man in life, six foot, three inches to be precise. But due to the scarcity of materials I was able to round up while building this new body, I had to make shortcuts somewhere, and thus, the tallest I could make myself was three foot five inches.
I have dressed my new body in the usual clothing of the later half of the twenty-first century: sweat pants and a hoodie. It was sometime around the year twenty forty-two I think that humanity collectively stopped trying and resorted to loungewear. I am of the strong opinion that this one collective act of our species was one of our greatest accomplishments.
Regardless of size, or sense of fashion, I dare say nothing I find on the surface of this new Earth of the future will dare to mess with me! I was able to upload every martial art known to man and merge it with my memories over the last three hundred years. Needless to say, I know Kung-Fu!
But my new lethality does not stop there. I also have the strength of twenty men, the speed of a cheetah, and the flexibility of the most over-paid yoga instructor. To top it all off, I am able to take advantage of the nuclear core that makes up my heart, and concentrate it into a powerful beam of energy. In short, I have real finger guns.
Lastly, there is my senses. I have super sonic hearing and can see perfectly up to a mile away. These things will take some getting used to, as the last twenty years of my life were spent asking most everyone to repeat what they had just said, and being so blind as to be extremely dangerous behind the wheel. To be fair to myself, I only drove through one crowd of people before they took my license away.
My sense of smell I think is my greatest innovation. Rather than designing an electronic nose and sticking it in the usual place, I have a long sensor on the top of my head. This not only allows me to have the smelling sense of the best bloodhound, but should I ever want to block out any fowl odors, all I have to do is wear a hat.
In short, I am now a full fledged super hero, and I can explore the surface of the world with confidence, ready to take on whatever strange thing I may find in this future world.