World War III Was so Disappointing
Much like the last movie of a blockbuster trilogy, the third world war was a lot of hype, and ultimately, a letdown. You see, in the later half of the Twenty First Century, the great powers of the world: America, China, Russia, and Canada (which nobody saw coming) declared war upon one another. It was shortly after this I launched myself into space, where I could orbit the Earth from a safe distance and watch the fireworks; and by fireworks, I mean nuclear explosions.
My name is Huxley Orwell III, by the way. After a lifetime of disappointment in the human race — and life in general, really — I decided to transfer my consciousness into an artificial body shortly before my death. My death would have come regardless of what happened to the world; I was eighty-seven years old for goodness sake. And because most governments on Earth had capped lifespans at eighty — which most considered to be more than generous — I was already seven years a fugitive, due for execution as soon as I was caught.
But, I didn’t have to worry about running from the law for much longer. Humanity was about to wipe itself out in a third world war. Having dedicated my life to science, I saw this as a great opportunity to see what came after the last great conflict; to awaken in an artificial, nearly indestructible body, and start anew.
The last thing I remember, before transferring my memories into this shining new vessel, was the sight of hundreds of explosive lights all over the world. Despite the cold reality on the ground far below my feet, from my chair in orbit I dare say it was an almost beautiful sight.
I programmed my new body to awaken three hundred years in the future, theorizing by then much of the devastation from the nuclear fallout would have passed, and I could begin to build a new world. I had even frozen the eggs of numerous species of animals, including humans, so that I could repopulate the world. In a way, I saw myself as a cybernetic Noah’s Ark.
When I awoke from slumber, I heard the sound of a chiming bell, indicating the drones launched from my ship — one year prior to my waking up — had returned. The first thing my new, electronic eyes saw was a map of the world, and the markers from the drone’s reconnaissance pinpointing various inhabited cities still present in the world.
Imagine my disappointment.